[Ramblings] Writer's Block

It’s weird to not be able to write when that’s all seemingly what you want to do. 

Faces on the road

I am somewhat distracted and actually just trying to live my life. I am living in the moment and no matter how many thoughts crossed my mind lately, no matter how my brain is telling me to jot things down, be inspired and be proactive with the whole writing thing, I just couldn’t. The desire to write seems distant. I had tons of unfinished work and pieces of informative texts cluttered in my multiple opened Google Word document files that remained drafted for God knows how long. The only thing I’ve finished recently is a gift for a significant other. That’s it. Is this happiness? Is this me trying to be comfortable in the slow and lulling cradle of peace? 

I can feel that I am somewhat ‘settling’ down. I am being kinder towards myself and giving myself some slack with everything that I am doing. I agree that life is short but it’s still long enough to do a lot of things as long as you prioritize only what’s best for you. I usually push myself to the extreme, missing sleep and precious calm and steady moments to do the grind and for what? To achieve what? To get to what? I understand that talking like this in a seemingly privileged position is bad rep but at the end of the day, we are the sole determiner of what is enough for us and where and when we could be content with our lives. And I guess, I am getting there–to that point of contentment. I am not chasing for a stellar career, not chasing fame and not even any type of recognition. I am not even chasing others' approval and I take great pride in only caring about the comments and advice from people who actually care and love me. The rest? I don’t really care that much.

Of course, sometimes my brain is still trying to make sense of this change in me, this peace that it’s not really that familiar with. For years, it has gotten used to chaos, the fast-paced life and processing worries, doubts and anxieties on the constant. It was drowning and always in hyperdrive that it’s having a hard time adjusting to the ‘new normal’. The withdrawal is both hard and eye-opening. I am like a recovering addict that craves my chaos and wants things to be what they were before. After backsliding, in an instant, I realize how much this chaos affects me and everyone around me. And so we go back to healing and just enjoying where I am right now.

I can’t believe how difficult it is to learn how to just relax and be at peace. And to think that this is something important for our race in order for us to function properly! I hope that in time, our concern wouldn’t focus so much on the ‘grind and/or culture’ but rather on the much needed emphasis on resting and relaxing that leads people to self-actualization.