[Ramblings] Essay: Being Ready

It feels like it has been ages since the last time that I’ve written anything. Too many thoughts already passed by and languished but from time to time, a couple vestiges remain. Whether they are bothersome truths, late night realizations or engaging fantasies, I’ve kept them all in for my entertainment (and possibly to yours).

Bergen in Autumn

I have someone who I consider to be a really good friend. The connection we have is rooted from a drastic case of trauma bonding. I feel like our journey towards self-realization is simultaneous but they are probably a bit ahead of me. Which is not a problem, by the way. It is actually an opportunity for me to gain more wisdom from their experience and thoughts and to reflect on my current situation and worldview. We were talking one night about love and relationships and how, albeit unfortunate, there is no such thing as ‘the right person’ for us. That, contrary to this popular opinion, there is only the right “US”. 

That statement opened up a dialogue in my head. Countless hours of ruminations broken only by activities that I need to accomplish right away. Inwardly, I keep on asking myself if I am the right ‘me’ now but asking this question is rather counterproductive. I think if I keep on just asking myself if I am now ready, better, doing well or even just surviving, the answer would always be a resounding ‘maybe’. Feelings change, same as our thoughts and beliefs and in general, even our physical form. The only thing that will remain rather constant or solid is our personal and dire conviction.

And I have conviction. No matter how shaky or unstable it feels sometimes, I am upholding it. To me, entering a relationship, whether it be romantic or platonic, is a huge deal. Now that I know better, I almost never enter one with my eyes closed. Gone are days where I can just haphazardly say that I’ve just fallen and that’s it, I just have to deal with it. Now, even with an overwhelming sense of fear, I jump with utmost intention and consent. Regardless of the outcome, I am all in. Besides, I’ve learned early on that all human relationships end in pain. That is the ultimate consequence of being able to love. 

[Ramblings] In my 30s

 

30 in Porto

To say that I’ve come so far is an understatement. I’ve come far and then decided to go even further. BUT, as a disclaimer, I am talking about my personal definition of ‘far’. I don’t think my parents, and in extension my relatives, agree with what I am doing with my life. I don’t think the institution that gave me my degree in Geology expected that I won’t be practicing the profession in under 5 years after my graduation. I have been technically unemployed for three years and somehow, I am a bit closer to what people call the state of ‘contentment’. 

Torre dos Clérigos

Praia do Carneiro

OLD TRAM!

Livraria Lello - Tons of people waiting outside

 

Facade of Igreja do Carmo

Lovely street at Porto

Ribeira

Capela das Almas

Just right around the corner where we went for a Michelin dinner

Of course, getting here took a lot of time, energy and guts. It was a difficult journey from there to here. I have to shed off some weight of personal and societal expectations. To begin with, I don’t even know what my actual personal expectations are, or whether I was just brought up to believe that they were mine to begin with. I guess, with my educational background, I have been set for an academic track, getting a Master’s then eventually a PhD. Maybe I would flourish as a professor or even a scientist that works nonstop in the lab and I would count myself happy. No matter how I deny it, I love to learn and I love to figure out stuff. I like to read and I like to observe every interesting thing around me. But I guess, that is where it ends with myself. I am clueless as to what to do next and where to go after.

There were some people who told me that I don’t have any ambitions and some that would say the opposite. There were some that told me time and time again how promising I was and I would surely do great things and some that tried to bring me down whenever they could. There were people who were patient to educate me, leading me to things that I can do and forging whatever skillset I have to better me and some that are relentless in misguiding me and making me feel that I am unworthy of anything. A lot of contradictions in every turn, people that either have your best interest or not and experiences that can either be harmful or beneficial–such is our lives. Moving to Europe and just, well, chilling, has given me the opportunity to be able to self-realize.

More than anything, I think it is quite important to know who you are and what you want. From there, a lot of our choices will make sense and our struggles will lessen. After all, it is quite important to prioritize. We only have a short amount of time in God’s green earth but it is long enough for us to do the important things.

I am in my early 30s and although I still have a lot of frustrations, I think I have become more docile and at peace of who I am at what I actually want. The noise of people’s judgements and opinions still ran in the background but I have gained to tune it out and just focus on the inner voice that wants to be heard since time immemorial. Their expectations, definitions of success and failure and what happiness really means are all still displayed in the galleries of my mind but I have my own canvas to work on and to tend to. I have so many colors to play with on my own and my own set of music to listen to so why would I let others dictate what I should choose and do?

Right now, I am trying to focus on making worthwhile connections, keeping all the happy memories in my head, letting go of all the pain and internalized suffering and living in the now. I still have a lot to figure out and no matter how one feels that it is scary, the unknown is so exciting for me. Too many possibilities to play with. 

[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Field Mapping (Day 3 Applied Geology)

Note: Hi, guys! Publishing practice questionaires WITH NO ANSWER KEYS at the moment. Hopefully, this would be beneficial for all the takers of the Geologist Licensure Exam this year. Good luck and share it as much as you want. Regards!

[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Mineral Deposits

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[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Petrology and Mineralogy Part 2

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[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Petrology and Mineralogy Part 1

 Note: Hi, guys! Publishing practice questionaires WITH NO ANSWER KEYS at the moment. Hopefully, this would be beneficial for all the takers of the Geologist Licensure Exam this year. Good luck and share it as much as you want. Regards!

[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Geophysics Part 2

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[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Geophysics Part 1

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[Ramblings] Writer's Block

It’s weird to not be able to write when that’s all seemingly what you want to do. 

Faces on the road

I am somewhat distracted and actually just trying to live my life. I am living in the moment and no matter how many thoughts crossed my mind lately, no matter how my brain is telling me to jot things down, be inspired and be proactive with the whole writing thing, I just couldn’t. The desire to write seems distant. I had tons of unfinished work and pieces of informative texts cluttered in my multiple opened Google Word document files that remained drafted for God knows how long. The only thing I’ve finished recently is a gift for a significant other. That’s it. Is this happiness? Is this me trying to be comfortable in the slow and lulling cradle of peace? 

I can feel that I am somewhat ‘settling’ down. I am being kinder towards myself and giving myself some slack with everything that I am doing. I agree that life is short but it’s still long enough to do a lot of things as long as you prioritize only what’s best for you. I usually push myself to the extreme, missing sleep and precious calm and steady moments to do the grind and for what? To achieve what? To get to what? I understand that talking like this in a seemingly privileged position is bad rep but at the end of the day, we are the sole determiner of what is enough for us and where and when we could be content with our lives. And I guess, I am getting there–to that point of contentment. I am not chasing for a stellar career, not chasing fame and not even any type of recognition. I am not even chasing others' approval and I take great pride in only caring about the comments and advice from people who actually care and love me. The rest? I don’t really care that much.

Of course, sometimes my brain is still trying to make sense of this change in me, this peace that it’s not really that familiar with. For years, it has gotten used to chaos, the fast-paced life and processing worries, doubts and anxieties on the constant. It was drowning and always in hyperdrive that it’s having a hard time adjusting to the ‘new normal’. The withdrawal is both hard and eye-opening. I am like a recovering addict that craves my chaos and wants things to be what they were before. After backsliding, in an instant, I realize how much this chaos affects me and everyone around me. And so we go back to healing and just enjoying where I am right now.

I can’t believe how difficult it is to learn how to just relax and be at peace. And to think that this is something important for our race in order for us to function properly! I hope that in time, our concern wouldn’t focus so much on the ‘grind and/or culture’ but rather on the much needed emphasis on resting and relaxing that leads people to self-actualization.

[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Geology of the Philippines Part 2

Note: Hi, guys! Publishing practice questionaires WITH NO ANSWER KEYS at the moment. Hopefully, this would be beneficial for all the takers of the Geologist Licensure Exam this year. Good luck and share it as much as you want. Regards!

[Geology] Mock Board Exam - Geology of the Philippines Part 1

Note: Hi, guys! Publishing practice questionaires WITH NO ANSWER KEYS at the moment. Hopefully, this would be beneficial for all the takers of the Geologist Licensure Exam this year. Good luck and share it as much as you want. Regards!

[Geology] Mock Board Exam - General Geology Part 3

Note: Hi, guys! Publishing practice questionaires WITH NO ANSWER KEYS at the moment. Hopefully, this would be beneficial for all the takers of the Geologist Licensure Exam this year. Good luck and share it as much as you want. Regards!

[Geology] Mock Board Exam - General Geology Part 2

Note: Hi, guys! Publishing practice questionaires WITH NO ANSWER KEYS at the moment. Hopefully, this would be beneficial for all the takers of the Geologist Licensure Exam this year. Good luck and share it as much as you want. Regards!