Okay.
As of now, I can't say what I am actually waiting for but man, I am anxious to know the result. I am having this habit of counting down the days (it's now between 6 days the earliest to 20 days the latest) before everything is 'revealed'. My future depends on this thing that I am waiting for and I am trying to manifest this shit out.
I feel like, with all of the things that I am going through right now, I deserve IT. With my professional background, I am aligned to this cause. Although one of my 'credential' is not that sterling to say the least, the letter that I submitted and my references are a-okay. Every time I feel so nervous about the uncertainty of the thing that I am waiting for, I always read my motivation letter for it. I try to remember how much I want it and why I deserve it. I try to look back why I've chosen to apply for it.
In reality, I greatly admire and strongly feel for the cause. It is something that I envisioned for myself: not just developing and learning things to earn money but actually making a difference for the society and for the good of the environment. I greatly believe that I am here in this world to do something worthwhile, a noble purpose if I might add. I'm not just here to exist and work for something that I don't believe in so that I can put a roof over my head and have something to put on the table.
I am rambling, just like always. But I can't help it because I am really anxious about this. I really want it so bad and I know that if I do get it, I will do good and excel. This would also mean a lot of things to my resume and LIFE IN GENERAL as it would get me closer to achieving a higher education. I would really want to get an MSc and a PhD but those things cost a lot of money. Coming from a low income household, with both parents not being able to get a college degree and with people around me (even relatives, mind you!) betting that I won't be able to get a degree because we're poor, there's a really strong pressure inside me to keep beating the odds. I've done it once when I finished my bachelor's in Geology and twice when I passed the board exam with just one take. I want to add to this 'list'. I want to make something out of my life despite what others has been telling me since the very beginning and step on all the rude and unkind prophecies. I exist to succeed and that's what I'm gonna do.
Reading what I've written here, it surprises me somehow that I can be positive. The constant negative comments from people around me really affected my self esteem but I really need to move past that.
Phew. Writing because I am nervous is really something. I have to take a shower now.
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