It's been quite a while since the last time I wrote in here. Not gonna lie, times are tough and with the number of cases rising again, I feel like an eventual lockdown will happen in the very near future.
In my current workplace, in just a span of 6 months, I've seen a lot of people leave the company behind and finally breathing and living a much more relaxing life. I've seen brilliant men leave the company before even realizing their full potential just because of a micromanager and a couple of his heartless henchmen. I've seen a couple of people who had some serious breakdown and some who just decided to stop caring. A good friend of mine also left just recently and I feel a pang of sadness deep within me. I am of course happy for him but I feel like our friendship is one of the reason I am still able to face the daily challenges of this job.
Of course, I am looking for a new job. I won't say that I am very active on the job market right now but I send out application left and right, maybe not as frequent as I like. To tell you honestly, I am still waiting for something to happen between April 1-15 or later. I am waiting for a very important result, the reason why I can't just quit and move on from this.
It is a struggle. Daily, I have to muster all the strength within me to attend even the daily meetings at 8am. I don't see any reason for it, to have a daily follow-up meeting when we don't even have updates on the daily (since I am on permitting). It's just too tiresome that every hour seems to be monitored at all time, a thing that I don't appreciate since I am someone who really do my job properly. It feels like they don't trust me and that's really lowering my morale.
Most recently, I had to talk twice to our HR representative since I felt attacked by the highest person in my current team. Can you imagine? He wants me to act like the overall supervisor of my team, to claim all responsibilities and failures, to face repercussions of unmet deadlines and to answer to all the intradepartmental issues even WITHOUT a proper appointment and monetary compensation. I feel so lost in all of these since his audacity really surprised me; to just assumed that I would take the responsibility just because he said so.
I made clear to our HR that I am not happy with these and I feel like it is stupid to just say to someone, "I don't have many horses in the stable. I need you to do this," even without the proper instructions and again, the proper pay. I mean, I don't really work JUST for money but I am being paid peanuts here, I am on forced leave during Fridays (but they expect me as well to reply to them at all times, even threatening us that if he calls us, we should respond, no matter what time it is). Sure, he's my boss but that only accounts for my 7-6:30 pm job from Mondays to Fridays (I do a 48-hour shift, weekly). He doesn't own my life. Periodt.
Because of my refusal against his wishes and me going to the HR for my concerns (who talked to him), I am hearing that they plan to dissolve my unit. I actually don't mind. My unit is so shitty anyways since I have to picked up the sloppy works of the previous permitting team. My Senior Ops Manager, (who also resigned, btw), told me that they planned to transfer me to another unit because apparently, I have no ambitions or whatsoever to lead the team. AGAIN, I can and I would if you pay me the right price.
It's bad enough that this company pays useless people huge amounts of money but refuses to compensate those who actually do the job. I have two officemates who basically do nothing but both of their salaries are between 50-70k and I have this another officemate who just casually turnover job after another job to our Projects Team just because she feels like they can deal with the customer better. Oh, I forgot to mention, they are the After-Service Team. That's basically their job, to deal with the clients after the Project is done.
I am really hoping for a positive result for the thing that I am currently waiting. I feel like I have a fat chance of getting this and I am really manifesting that I am getting it already. My boyfriend already heard his. He's doing some internship in India for three months between September to December. I hope that I'll get mine as well.
I am calling out to the universe right now. Manifesting this shit out.
Peace y'all.
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