Promises! Promises!

 Okay.

I promised before that I would write everyday. For quite some time I've been good but as you know, life happened. I got sick for quite some time, work was overbearing (and so did everyone in there) and I just had no motivation or whatsoever to get up and be productive.

I don't want to diagnose myself with depression or something but maybe this is it. I may be not the most positive person there is but I at least can turn around my feelings when I think about all of the good stuff but this time, I feel like everything is just caving in. It's really harder and harder to be a zombie each day.

Anyway... I don't really want to rant in here. I have no energy for that. I just want to say quite a few things:

1. Don't waste your Spotify Premium. Listen to helpful podcast.
2. Go out. (I know there's a virus out there but I'm not telling you to touch everything. For the love of God, go out and see the outside)
3. Friends can be found anywhere, everywhere.
4. My boyfriend is the coolest person I've known (so far).

Let's discuss these one by one in a very awkward way since I can't really edit the previous list in the way I want it to.

Don't waste your Spotify Premium. Listen to helpful podcast.

I was visiting a friend and while we're preparing our merienda, she connected her phone on a bluetooth speaker. She started blasting out some new songs that I don't really know (I don't know how I can't really listen to new songs unless I am forced to). All of a sudden, after a couple of songs, I've heard an ad.

"What? You don't have premium?" I asked.

She raised an eye on me and laughed, "That's just a waste of money. You have it?"

"Yeah. I don't think I would be able to stand it if there's ad in there."

"Okay. Do you also listen to podcast too? If it's just song, you're just wasting money."

I then retorted back with a generic excuse (forgot what it was but I feel like it was something to do with my boyfriend's playlist).

It was just then that I realize that I should utilize my Spotify and listen to podcasts. I mean, I listened for awhile back then to F1 interviews but after that, it's just me repeating my favorite songs over and over again (Barcelona by Ed Sheeran haha). After our talk, I decided to look for a podcast that I can actually listen to. I started out with some Hollywood dark shits (Judy Garland and her woes on the set of The Wizard of Oz and Shirley Temple's Short Dresses) and some unsolved murder mysteries (yep, very interested in this).

So far, and I don't even know how I even stumbled upon this, I really enjoyed the Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques of Standford Graduate School of Business. I've enjoyed everything that I've listened in there but my favorite would be Glenn Kramon's interview. The title of it is, Writing to Win: How to Quickly Capture Readers and Keep Them Engaged. He was really funny, charming and I really learned a lot. I am trying to use the learnings in my emails btw and would also start journaling again. A younger me spend majority of my time writing a lot of poems, short stories, a couple of novels (didn't finished a single one though) and plots of Sims games.

But yeah. The main thought is use your Spotify Premium wisely. Haha

Go out.

Hmm. With the pandemic and all, I feel like people will say that it's rather insensitive to go out and have some fun. I'm not telling you to do that. What I'm telling you is to go out, get some fresh air, cleanse your mind, go for a jog and look at the flowers.

Just wash your hands afterwards. Maybe even take a shower.

I feel like you know what I mean. We are so prone to depression nowadays and anything that can lift your self up is good for you. Have a little fun once and a while. 

Friends can be found anywhere, everywhere.

I don't even know how to begin this with. I don't want to disclose too much because, OMG, I am affiliated with something so sinister at the moment (and yes, this is just me overacting). Kidding aside, a Work From Home setting is probably the most toxic thing I've ever experienced. 

I have to attend a daily checkpoint meeting, be kinda like an on-call personnel, attend more meetings, experience your coworkers toxic behaviors, attend more meetings, answer repetitive questions from your boss over and over again, attend more meetings, being accused of not working at all during work hours, attend more meetings, being reprimanded for not replying to someone or not calling back when it's your day off/you have an emergency/it's the holiday/you're on forced leave and attending more stupid and worthless meetings.

Despite everything, I feel like a strong camaraderie was formed between my colleagues and I in the Operations Group. We are being heated together, forged in a smoldering fire and being beaten over and over again. We've experienced (and continue to do so) a lot of toxic shit during the past months but we never failed to lift each others up, bring good cheer and spirits onto each other and try to make the best of a bad situation.

Not gonna lie, one of the best people in the OG finally decided to quit to just start his business and that broke all of us. We threw a small party last Wednesday for him, shared some funny gossips and office rumors and laughed a lot. Of course some can't join because they are not based in Manila but we had our little E-numan last Thursday where our Senior Ops Manager threw a farewell for him and we're all there. Tears were shed while I laughed to lighten up the mood. It's kinda weird for me when people cry so I just laugh. Haha.

These people really became close to me. I especially feel close to my future partner supervisor who's really cool and the Cool Girl I was talking about on one of my previous blogs. We always go out during Wednesdays after office hours, shares some good food and good gossips (lol). I never knew I would be this close to them.

My boyfriend is the coolest person I've known (so far)

I know that I am writing this online and there are probably people that can read this but this my little space in the interweb. I don't care if this is going to be corny/cringey. Lol.

I feel like I would need to write a separate entry for this but I just can't resist. This will work out for now.

In the little room that I stay in all day, I have my desk with my notebooks on top of it, my little stationary separator, lipstick holder, a vase with my flowers for the week, a big ass mirror and a couple of other things that I kinda need. 

When I look up from my laptop, I will see myself in the mirror. I would of course wince because I'm just an ugly sight (lol). The flowers attracts my eyes on the left side especially when they are white. My cellphone stand is just right beside it and my eyes would dart to it from time to time just to see who remembers me (or who's bugging me). But on my right, taped on the calendar that I took from the office, was a little photo of my boyfriend I took candidly, smiling with his teeth out. It's just one of the many photos I screenshot while we're in the middle of our Google Meets calls. When I am all stressed out, this photo never fails to make me smile.

It's kinda cliché to say that he has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen but that's just how I feel. Seeing him smile fills me with joy.

You may be asking what's the point of this story, what's the reason why I think he's the coolest person I know. It's really difficult to put it into words but all of his little intricacies, his little quirks and all of the little things he does for me made me conclude this: he's the coolest person I know.

He makes me feel so love and secure in his love despite the overwhelming distance between the two of us (although my false thoughts still scare me). He comforts me when I go crazy and get mad at everything around me. He tries to understand me even when I can't even understand myself. It feels as if I am now experiencing the love that I so desire but I feel I don't deserve.

HAHAHA. I know. It's weird for me too, writing this. But before I end this blog entry, I will just share a little fight between the two of us. This is something that I will probably quote on our anniversary. It's just a good story:

I was complaining to him a lot because he's not really acknowledging monthsaries. My little insecure self was feeling terribly unimportant so I kinda lashed out on him (I know, I'm so stupid). He was really surprised because he said that he doesn't think that it's important or whatever, that he feels like anniversaries should be the only thing that couples celebrate to mark their milestones in a relationship. He then asked me what I want him to do, if I want him to make a big deal out of it. I told him that he can do so only if he wants to. He said that he probably won't change his opinions since he doesn't get the idea of it. Annoyed, I just said that never mind then, we should just forget and move on from the discussion. He then asked me (of course, when he said it, he used better words but this is the gist, JUST GO WITH IT!), "Why would you worry about a single day in a month when I am trying to love you properly each day? What makes that day more special than the rest?"

I wasn't able to respond to him when he asked me that. Probably because it was a rhetoric and he goes on explaining himself. Haha. But you get me. I was just dumbfounded and overwhelmed. I feel like I have no room for complaints anymore. He was telling the truth: he's just trying to love me right every day. I just can't believe my luck.

Anyway, that's awkward but damn, he's really something. 

See you later.