Working Title: Blanche
Some explanation at the bottom.
Velvety and fine off white muslin canopy drape. By now, she believed that she already memorized how the crinkles of the cloth run. Yellow cords with little tassels carefully tie the canopy on both sides of the bed and she believes that the edges were decorated with imitation gold fringes. It wasn’t the softest fabric, she knows because she touched it the first time she saw it, but for an English middle class family, it is an indulgence. Every single morning it was the same view before her eyes and unfortunately for her, every single morning it is the same “her” in bed.
“It is rather concerning,” she overheard Mrs. Dennings at the foot of her bed.
“I think we should give her more time. It’s been only, what? Almost 5 weeks, right?” said Mrs. Zacharias, her mother. “This is a terribly trying time for her. You of all people know how it is to lose a husband.”
“Mrs. Zacharias!” exclaimed her mother-in-law. “I lost my husband a good thirteen years ago! I think it is rather impertinent to point that out when I also just lost my son!”
“I…I apologized, Mrs. Dennings. I didn’t know what I was saying,” she could hear her mother’s voice tremble. “I know you cared about my little Blanche but she has always been this way. She feels so deeply. It is not so easy. It is her first loss.”
“I do understand that but she is also pregnant. She needs to take care of herself. The doctor said that she needs to step out and soak whatever little sunlight we’re having these days. That is my grandchild we’re talking about.”
She closed her eyes and slowly moved her hand to touch her stomach. She tries to drown the concerned bickering of the two women. What has happened to her life? It was so promising only two months ago. Now, it has turned into a nightmare that she doesn’t know how to wake up from.
Seven months ago, she married a man she believed she would grow old with. Her friends were all gushing about the match as they said that it was rather ‘perfect’. All of them believed that they both had the same temperament and empathy; that no two people understand each other better than the two of them. Now she finds herself wondering if she really has to go on with life without his unique love and understanding.
Sure it was but a blissful short married life and yet, it meant the world for her. She has known Robert since she was five. They’ve grown together, studied together and dreamt together. Navigating life without him feels so surreal. It is so unfamiliar, strange and unsurprisingly empty. Her heart feels so cavernous and she doesn’t completely know how to fill this void. He has always been there as long as she can remember.
The first week without him was unbelievably difficult for her. She wasn’t able to get out of bed and she couldn’t keep anything that she ate. The latter was probably because of the pregnancy, the only reason she kept on trying to eat in the first place. But still, it was quite puzzling that she just couldn’t stop vomiting. It’s as if it was her body’s way of protesting as to why she has to keep on living while Robert is rotting in his grave. She really thought that they would die together when they’re both gray and old.
She bit her lower lip as she tried to stifle a sob. It is rather bittersweet whenever she thinks about her fate. On the one hand, her Robert will remain young and beautiful in her memories while on the other, well, he is gone. Her precious husband, the brilliant, unassuming, and promising Robert, was nothing in comparison to the common bout of cold that turned out to be consumption.
“The poor child is trembling.”
She opened her eyes and saw Mrs. Dennings looked intently at her.
“Blanche, you need to take care of yourself for the babe.”
“And for Robert,” her mom timidly added next to her mother-in-law.
She closed her eyes once again. Hearing his name is still quite difficult for her.
“I will get up in a bit, ladies,” she said weakly. “I just feel a bit heady.”
“Would you do us a favor and drink your morning tea? It would certainly help with the nausea. We would leave you alone afterwards,” Mrs. Dennings coaxed.
“Surely, surely, we will,” her mom seconded.
“Yes, of course.”
She pushed herself to sit and downed the tea. It was Asam.
“Black would be fine for me next time, mother. No need to get the expensive one,” she politely whispered to her mother-in-law.
“But you keep on throwing up. Besides, the prices are not that bad. Our Mrs. Hugs is friendly with the storekeeper. He gives her the best deals.”
Her mother laughed, “Ah, your dear Mrs. Hugs. I wish our servants had such connections.”
Blanche sighed impatiently. Such an irritating remark and coming from her own mother. She is rather impatient and short these days. Everyone seems to be living their mundane life as they should be, gossiping and being busybodies, while she tries to make sense of hers. It is rather unfair, she claimed in her head.
“I would love to be in your company more, but I really need to lie down again,” she said.
She softly brought herself down to bed again and turned her back towards them. Blanche heard the two women sighed. Then she heard the rustle of their dresses and their light steps moving away from her bed. When she heard the door closed, she hugged herself and cried until she fell asleep.
“Darling, I am not quite sure yet but I think I am with child,” she told him while they were having dinner.
He looked at her, smiled sweetly and held her hand across the table, “That is welcomed news. As to why you’re not excited, that, to me, is rather surprising.”
“I am scared,” Blanche meekly admitted.
Robert sighed and held her hand tightly, “What can I do to make you feel a bit better? I can’t take away your fears but I could probably do something to lighten your concern.”
She couldn’t help but smile. Typical Robert.
“Well, I don’t know actually but what you have just said made my heart delighted. I appreciate that.”
He laughed heartily, “You are quite easy to please but you do know that if I can carry that child for you, I will do it.”
She covered her mouth to suppress a loud laugh, “Oh, Robert! What a mirth you are.”
“But you know I would do so if I can physiologically!” he said, now shaking in laughter.
“And what a sight it would be!” she exclaimed as she laughed with him.
And, she was back in reality once more. Same off white muslin canopy hanging above her and still no Robert.
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