I daresay that mankind in general tends to worry more when life is good and everything seems to be dandy. Most of us thrive in chaos, hardships and sorrows that the moment we have something good going on, our first response is to look for something to worry about. We are more often bothered by peace and prosperity than by bad news and disappointments. We seem to breathe more easily when the worst of the worst comes to pass. But joy–heaven forbid love and acceptance? That seems to be so out of place in the universe we’re living in.
And this is where I find myself at the moment. There are a lot of things in my life right now that make me happy and content. I am doing so much better, flourishing both in mind and body. I am enjoying the present and loving every bits of it as if it's my last. I have thriving friendships, passions and hobbies that fill my days but somehow, there is this weird anxiety that usually turns into sadness. Unsettling thoughts come and they leave me feeling dreadful and questioning my peace and sometimes my life in general.
Why is this the case? Why can’t we seem to JUST enjoy the good things and not question it? An interesting article published by The School of Life discussed that this quite familiar phenomenon is usually caused by our past traumas that we haven’t fully unpacked and understood. It seems as though our brains saw some kind of patterns before a fucked up (which may be caused by us directly or indirectly) and immediately jumped into negative conclusions. We seemed to be programmed this way and it’s hurting us more than resiliently preparing us for what’s to come.
So what should we do when we experience this? How can we just be happy without looking for things that can go wrong? Short answer would be therapy. Honestly, mates, I think all of us need this. I do believe in the power of talking out your feelings and emotions with professionals in order for you to deal with it properly. Alongside this, it is also quite important that you immerse yourself in helpful philosophies that strengthen your emotional resilience and widen your understanding.
I know not everyone can go to therapy due to personal reasons and/or life circumstances so I also have a long answer that is rather personal. I don’t promise that it can help you but I’m still gonna write about it. Whenever I feel like life is going well and panic creeps in, I try to question why this is the case. Certain prompts such as, (1) Is there any logical reason to feel this way, or (2) Am I just sabotaging this because I can’t have something good?, are usually helpful because they bring me back to reality. I make a mental list and if the answers sound so absurd, like if it’s something that can make me laugh, I know it’s just my brain being stupid. It’s time to drop these thoughts. If for some reason I am able to give answers that sound plausible but a little bit far fetched, I try to remind myself of this quote from the psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott:
“The catastrophe we think will happen has in fact already happened.”
Because I might just be experiencing some kind of a ‘déjà vu’. Something familiar but not quite. I try to remind myself that no two events or people can hurt you the same way. Of course, this takes time and practice. It also takes a lot of understanding and compassion to yourself. You’re only human, okay? It’s okay to feel this way. There’s nothing wrong with you but we have to move forward in order for us to enjoy life and be truly joyful. You’re gonna be alright and sometimes, even if it’s quite daunting and you’re filled with anxiety and fear, you just gotta have to do it. What if it works out?
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