[Stoic Meditation] It's not the thing, it's what we make of it

 "When you are distressed by an external thing, it's not the thing itself that troubles you, but only your judgment of it. And you can wipe this out at a moment's notice."

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.47

Lately, whenever I’m facing certain situations that can definitely change my life and/or perception of who I am, I always find myself second-guessing my initial reaction. Gut feeling is still a big part of my decision making process but it’s no longer the deciding factor. I am willing myself to listen to the blankness that comes afterwards because that’s where clarity usually manifests itself.

The current generation grew up being fed by ideas that seem to make life an easy “black and white” and that the notion of the “gray” or even a “spectrum” are not easily palatable. I know because I grew up that way. Biases play roles on how we view things and with this, we put meaning on seemingly mundane occurrences and/or matters.

As an example, I would like to talk about a common topic regarding Filipinas (or Asians) here in Europe that annoys the shit out of me whenever I hear it. Men here would often assume that Asians date them as a ticket for us to get out of our countries. No matter what your educational and professional backgrounds are, the notion remains the same. This comment truly hurt my pride because I don’t want to be stereotyped this way. My experience with my ex boyfriend’s words (and some other men that I’ve met here) is a bit daunting because he assumed the same thing and that I give him this pressure of being responsible for another human being. Being able to stay here often means (1) marriage to a citizen or (2) an exorbitant luck of either getting work or education opportunities. 

I am proud to say that I have some prospects and I won’t marry someone just for the sake of staying here. I know that I would be able to thrive wherever I may be. BUT, the comments would remain hurtful for me and my pride if I see it as an insult rather than just, you know, mere comments from strangers. These words are just words no matter how you look at it. You can’t control the people who say it so the only thing that you can do is to control yourself and your perceptions. You know yourself and your intentions better than these people.

Håkonshallen is a hall fit for a king not because of the foundations and how it was built but we make it so.

So, take things today just as they are and don't let your emotions get the best out of you.