[Stoic Meditation] The Pleasure of Tuning Out the Negative & You're Going To Be Okay

“How satisfying it is to dismiss and block out any upsetting or foreign impression, and immediately to have peace in all things.” 

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5.2

 "Don’t lament this and don’t get agitated."

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7,43

I am writing about two meditations today. Maybe it’s because I am a bit lazy but it’s more so that they are quite related.

What timely meditations for me (and probably for all of you). Whatever it is that you’re going through, you’re gonna make it! Everything is going to be okay for you as long as you choose to do so. 

The holiday season is fast approaching and somehow, I am not looking forward to it unlike the previous years. Maybe being a bit older plays a part in this emotion but then again, I don’t think that was the case a couple of months ago. 

I love Christmas and for some reason, I am a bit agitated that it’s fast approaching and that I would be ALONE in a foreign land. Let me fix that, emotionally alone. The previous year was such a blast as I have someone to make ruckus and mirth with. Now, I am totally dependent on myself and my capacity to will joy within me. When you really put it in a Stoic perspective, this is a great time to practice not having attachment and some sort of dependencies on other people. Lately, I’ve been very successful with this and I am learning that it’s okay to care and love people without wanting to be with them.

Of course, negative thoughts still come to mind. It stems from my previous habit of self-deprecation and probably even imposter syndrome (not saying that I am that high-achieving but–hey, see, this is the perfect example of such thoughts!) When this happens, I don’t immediately block it out. I bitch about it, maybe bitch about it some more to some friends who would listen and then, I will let it go. Marcus Aurelius didn’t say that I can’t muse over these negative thoughts first. That’s quite unhealthy. You also have to ponder on why you feel this way, where are these emotions coming from and if it’s really how you perceive yourself. Then afterwards, let it go. If you encounter it again, remind yourself that you have already dealt with it and there’s no use anymore to dwell on it. Some stoics call this “Cultivated Ignorance” and I think that’s beautiful. Don’t worry, it’s not a sign of weakness. Having control of your emotions takes guts. Literally big brain energy (or big balls, idk). 

And yeah, just as a closing remark, if anything bad happened to you today or yesterday, there’s really no point in thinking about it too much. It already occurred. Any struggle about it is impotent. 

Recent obsession and honestly just a great line about strength

Another comforting one from my fave, Dost

An Ode to my Past Self

It is quite insensitive but I never felt that it was a great loss. I was quite happy that some parts of you faded. It was like staring at a sandcastle, ebbing away as the tide took its portion.

Me displaying my muscly legs and bluberries

You were so obsessed with the promises of the future and quite entangled with the past. You spent your present daydreaming about ‘what you could have done’ and ‘what you would be doing’ instead of living in the moment. Decay was slowly creeping in but you didn’t take much notice. You thought that through time, everything will get better; that you can just shed off this imperfection like dregs that you can easily throw away. Unfortunately, what you had was more rust-like. It ate on you and you slowly languished. You thought it was a ‘season’, a ‘phase’, that will pass by.

You pretended that everything was alright when clearly it wasn’t. You were always troubled by the fact that one needs to be vulnerable from time to time. To you, asking for help equates to weakness. But you needed help, heaps of it. You needed counsel but you were too heady and lofty to admit it.

Often, you have catered to the whims of others at the expense of yourself. You claimed that it was also something that you wanted. There was this internal struggle to be you but there were people that you were trying so hard to keep in your life. You resented them but you ended up sucking it because confrontation is not one of your best suits (surprisingly!).

But then again, how can you even stand up for what you’ve wanted when you don’t even know clearly what it was or what they were? It bothers me greatly that you don’t have any strong roots that kept you grounded on certain stances in life. You were just riding and dying with the people around you, always believing that although things change, some would remain constant. But unfortunately for you and to all the other people in this world, that is not the case. Everything changes.

Another thing that bothered me since knowing the depths of you is that you don’t have any ambitions. You absolutely have dreams and desires but those things border on ridiculous. It was like you, but in several parallel universes because the realities you ruminate about resembled nothing like you. It was something that kept me up late at night. I’ve always wondered how you’ve come so far without any tangible goals. I feel like you try to fit like a well-tailored suit to whoever you are with. That in itself is scary.

I’m still wondering a lot about you and whether I should keep some of the things as it is on this shell that you’ve left behind. Cheesy as it sounds, I’ve come to love you while reflecting. You have qualities that might be handy still in the long run. I love that, although it was clearly not for everyone, you have this gentleness and tolerance that transcend beyond reason. You have always given people the benefit of the doubt and although this has caused you grief time and time again, I find it comforting that you were not hardened by this. You became impatient from it but that is something I can work with.

There are still more to figure out as the tides return the bits and pieces that it has taken away. I think I would keep only half of your trusting nature once it is returned. You were so reckless with that. I’ll make a better sand castle for you, for us. Maybe I’ll build better foundations too. Better and deeper, as I aspire. Hopefully, this one is going to last until the final wave takes it away. 

PS. I know, I know. Not really a typical ode but I am in no mood to write a poem, lol.

[Stoic Meditation] It's not the thing, it's what we make of it

 "When you are distressed by an external thing, it's not the thing itself that troubles you, but only your judgment of it. And you can wipe this out at a moment's notice."

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 8.47

Lately, whenever I’m facing certain situations that can definitely change my life and/or perception of who I am, I always find myself second-guessing my initial reaction. Gut feeling is still a big part of my decision making process but it’s no longer the deciding factor. I am willing myself to listen to the blankness that comes afterwards because that’s where clarity usually manifests itself.

The current generation grew up being fed by ideas that seem to make life an easy “black and white” and that the notion of the “gray” or even a “spectrum” are not easily palatable. I know because I grew up that way. Biases play roles on how we view things and with this, we put meaning on seemingly mundane occurrences and/or matters.

As an example, I would like to talk about a common topic regarding Filipinas (or Asians) here in Europe that annoys the shit out of me whenever I hear it. Men here would often assume that Asians date them as a ticket for us to get out of our countries. No matter what your educational and professional backgrounds are, the notion remains the same. This comment truly hurt my pride because I don’t want to be stereotyped this way. My experience with my ex boyfriend’s words (and some other men that I’ve met here) is a bit daunting because he assumed the same thing and that I give him this pressure of being responsible for another human being. Being able to stay here often means (1) marriage to a citizen or (2) an exorbitant luck of either getting work or education opportunities. 

I am proud to say that I have some prospects and I won’t marry someone just for the sake of staying here. I know that I would be able to thrive wherever I may be. BUT, the comments would remain hurtful for me and my pride if I see it as an insult rather than just, you know, mere comments from strangers. These words are just words no matter how you look at it. You can’t control the people who say it so the only thing that you can do is to control yourself and your perceptions. You know yourself and your intentions better than these people.

Håkonshallen is a hall fit for a king not because of the foundations and how it was built but we make it so.

So, take things today just as they are and don't let your emotions get the best out of you.

Life Update (Autumn 2023)

If only I can write without inspiration, blogging might have been a lucrative career for myself. But, as someone who’s a bit of a hedonist and an essentialist, I don’t do something if I only have half a heart for it. 

Anyway, it has been quite a while since I last updated here. I remembered promising multiple posts about my trips since I’ve done quite a few last Summer but a lot of personal things interfered with this “hobby” of mine. I also stopped writing insights about my Stoic Reflection of the Day. I mean, I am still doing it; I’m just not sharing it to the world.

UNESCO World Heritage Site, Bryggen, during Autumn

For starters, I’ve been quite sick for most of July and August. I’m talking about multiple trips to the hospital (and if we’re gonna add the dentist, that also took up so much of my time). My grandmother also died. I was also trying to enjoy my summer break and I helped out my then boyfriend for his move to my current city. Then, my boyfriend of three years and four months, decided that it was time for us to part ways. He has just been in Bergen for a good one month and one week.

I took my time to feel like myself again before writing this. I don’t want this to be a petty and ugly piece because the world already has so much of that. I want this to be something I can read back someday and be proud that I chose to be mature. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with showing and expressing emotions BUT it is our duty to command and control it. Conquering and accepting ourselves during difficult situations are signs of strength and resilience. And I want those things for myself. I want growth and maturity from these life experiences.

The death of my grandmother is something that I am still dealing with. People who know me might be surprised because I don’t talk about it at all, but it has been on my mind ever since it happened. It was my first loss. I’ve never experienced any death and being quite far from home, I had a hard time expressing my feelings and emotions about it. I mean, I KNOW that all of us are going to die someday but “knowing” and “understanding” are two different things. I am trying to deal with the fact that as we grow older, witnessing deaths and burying loved ones would be a common occurrence. That’s just how life is: we only have borrowed time with people so we have to make the most of it.

As for the multiple trips to the hospital, that was just me being a bit of a hypochondriac. I am quite a health freak so if I noticed that something is wrong with me, my mind would immediately jump into thinking that I have cancer. I am fairly healthy, I don’t overindulge when it comes to eating and I do tons of workouts and physical activities so anything that doesn’t go well with my beloved flesh and blood, I always think about the worst case scenario. So, I guess what I was trying to say is that I had a cancer-scare and saw multiple specialists just for me to be turned away and be told that everything was fine and I was just overthinking.

Where I usually run (or walk)

And finally, the break up that I had with my then boyfriend. I won’t delve into a lot of personal details but let’s just say that it didn’t work out, we were no longer compatible and there was just too much loss of trust. It was, of course, heartbreaking when it happened but when you look at it the way I see it now, he just wants to be happy. It was nothing personal; he didn’t do the things he did and he didn’t say the things he said just to hurt me. It was just the way it is. That was the only way for him to feel like himself again and to do all the things that he wanted. I am just not the person he wants to be with anymore and that’s okay. He deserves to be happy.

To think that everything happened during Autumn touched the inner poet in me. This season signifies “change” and/or “transition” usually associated with coziness, comfort and ease. It also symbolizes abundance (time for harvest), balance (day and night are the same lengths) and preservation (preparing for winter). This is indeed a chaotic but beautiful turning point of my life.

Of course, in the beginning, everything was a mess for me. I wasn’t able to deal with some situations and there were jarring truths that I had to face squarely. There were emotions that I didn’t recognize, haven’t encountered for quite some time and some that I didn’t want to feel. But, as time progresses and as my perspective changes, letting go of the things that I can’t control and accepting everything that has happened allowed me to move forward. As they say, we cannot truly appreciate the highs without the lows.

At the moment, I am trying to immerse myself in a lot of philosophies and experiences that I want without holding back. I have now the freedom to do so. Indeed, I am taking good care of my “theoretical garden”. The current landscaping is tailored for my preferences and desires, on my own terms and time period and not to the whims of another person. Growing things in this garden for myself and sharing the fruits of it to others without expecting anything in return is the goal. Its natural appeal is not meant to snare and trap people in so that they would stay in it with me forever. I welcome people who come along to appreciate it and bid gracious farewell to those who left. In it, there is no attachment required, only appreciation, respect and love.