[Life Blog] Update.

I finally have the courage to share my story.

I have been in total denial about what happened in here but it's now time to face the music. My plans did not fell through and now I am back to step one. Scarred, I admit, but at the same time, I am stronger and braver than before.

I can't believe that I am rewriting this blog. I wrote this a month ago, full of hope, thinking that life is finally turning around. I am so ready for change, so ready of the new life that I am lusting for. But as hard as it is to accept, no matter how much we want things, we can't really have it all.

So I tried to apply for the au pair program in Denmark. It is appealing because it's in Europe and the promise of cultural exchange is the one thing that stuck with me. As advertised, this is NOT a job so if you really think about it, people who should do this are really interested in the culture. 

After having my interview last July 22 with the Embassy, I felt weird. It was fast, cold and mechanical. As if there was no humanity in that session. That feeling stuck with me so when I got a message from VFS last July 27, only five days after my interview, I knew that there was something wrong. The decision was not in my favor and it really got me so confused.

They declined my application because they said that they did not found the stay to have a natural correlation with my life. The decision confused me a lot because this is a cultural exchange experience. I don't know what it has to do with my previous job experiences; I just want to go there and see the world.

Anyway, writing more about this later................

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I am writing this today, June 27th, two days before my submission of my au pair documents to VFS. After a couple of months of back and forth with my host family, it is finally happening: I am finally lodging my visa/work permit application. 

It has been a roller coaster ride and honestly, there have been a lot of sleepless nights. From worrying if I would be ever getting a host family to not being able to pass the visa application, I am finally done with all of that. I am writing all of these down because I am finally letting go of these fears. Let God's will be done. 

Since my birthday last July 2020, I've been feeling restless about my identity and life path. I feel like I really don't know where I am going or if what I am doing right now is what I really want to do. I am looking for something else, searching for ways where I can feel productive and happy at the same time. I started processing my paper for an Erasmus scholarship last August 2020, thinking I would be perfect for the program that I have chosen. I lodged it last October and waited for an answer which was released last April 2021. I did not get it, obviously, that's why I am doing what I am doing right now. 

Back then, I felt so lost and confused because I really want to finally move on from my toxic work environment. It was the only thing I was looking forward to and that's kinda sad. It was devastating, yes, but at the same time it really made me think harder what I want to do with my life. 

This journey is the first step of finding out what I really want to do with my life. Maybe somewhere down the road it will be taking me back to practicing Geology or a whole different career that I am currently not aware of.