After a week of trying to cope with the rejection I received the previous month, I can finally get up and do things normally. I have been really out of any kinds of motivation and I am procrastinating harder than I usually do.
I am not saying that I am finally okay. No, I am far from that. What happened was a truly missed opportunity that I could have avoided IF only I am able to lie and/or do things differently. I am proud of who I am but getting what you want in this world is rather difficult if you can't bend some or most of your principles.
For the most part, I am just looking for the silver linings of what happened. Maybe it isn't for me, maybe there's something out there which is better. I am just thinking about that. It also opened up a lot of questions or opportunities, whichever way you want it to see, about what I should do with my life.
I have a love/hate relationship with my profession. It's not because it's difficult but I feel like I can't practice in this country. There are a LOT of things I hate about the way things are being run in here and how women, in general, have less opportunities in the field of mining geology. I'm not saying that I want to be out there; traversing along unmapped locations, sleeping on flytraps or camping in a field under the starry skies above. I want more. I want the freedom to pursue whatever it is that I want that can make me happy. Whether in this field or a completely unrelated one.
I apologize if my thoughts are kinda rumbled right now. I just feel so lost and confused about the happenings in my life. There are a lot of things that I want to do and discover but I am limited because I have no money. It is a rather familiar sentiment from a child of a lower, lower middle class family. I say this with peace and love.
Anyway, enough for now.
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