[Life Blog] Honestly, it has been a great week!

If there's one thing that I hate about myself, it's the fact that I often fail to write about the good things in my life. More often than not, what stuck to me are moments that are annoying, bothersome and those that are rather unpleasant.

Maybe that's one of the many reasons why I am feeling bad and sad most of the time. I always fail to take note of the good things in my life and focus on the bad. BUT not this week, NOT TODAY, my friends. As I sat here in my makeshift table on the floor (I hated sitting on my study desk recently because my back is facing the door), still hyped up from my 6km jog and brisk walking, I am gonna write about all the good stuff from this week.

Being thankful for my jowawits

I believe that our happiness shouldn't depend on someone. Period, haha. 

But kidding aside, my boyfriend has been the source of strength, joy, and positivity. His optimism that annoys me sometimes? That shit unconsciously rubbed on me. I still think that the world is a bleak place from time to time but now, I feel like there are a lot more things to be thankful for, a lot more opportunities to explore and a lot more places to visit. Now, that's a mouthful.

I appreciate how he encourages me to do better without even saying it, not even implied. As I see him working so hard on his studies, discussing things he's passionate about and being so involved and out there, it also drives me to be better. He inspires me to pursue the shit that I want to happen in my life and I think that's really beautiful.

I still don't see what he sees in me but I am slowly warming up to this version of myself. This guy never uses flowery words (he jokes that it's because he's German) but the way he straight up tells me where I am good at, where I need to work on and where I am excelling at and making progress gives me a picture of how he views me as a person. It will take some time for me to truly appreciate myself but I don't doubt that I will get there with the help of this potato.

Being thankful for work-friends

Recently, the bond that has been formed in our team gives me life. There were some great character developments, a former antagonist turned into an ally and the bitches are getting what they deserve. Truly, I am living a soap opera life in my work setting.

The people that you work with through adversities are proven to be dependable and loyal companion/friends. I am happy that I get to share chitchat and gossips with these people, encourage them during challenges and stupid situations and being there for them when the going gets tough. 

Recently, in our group chat, a friend was forced to issue an APOLOGY LETTER to the VP (the shitty one) due to an event where a partner of ours emphasized in a meeting how our team is not aware of a certain situation that can be handled easily. Of course, it is more complicated than that due to some internal factors but the funniest thing about this heated discussion was the fact that our group's higher ups were unaware of it. The VP and his henchman did not even coordinated with the other team hence they were blindsided by the situation. First of all, IT'S HIS FAULT. I will say this again and again, swear to our neighbor's dog who barks at wee hours in the morning, that he refuses to coordinate with other teams and only instruct the rank and file to do this for him (which is really stupid). When the situation becomes dire afterwards, he would just claim that it wasn't escalated on him that he wasn't aware. What a fucking idiot. Anyways, we helped her write a new one where the true culprit is implicated. 

It might sound as if I am seeking vengeance against these people and I am happy for their current miseries but only the second one is true, lol. Truly, I don't feel proud about this but I am someone who still believes in justice and fairness so a retribution is happy thing for me.

Being able to chill

It is my birth month and I am seeing a somewhat relaxed feels in myself. I am getting less and less frustrated with my eating and working out habits. I am giving my self an opportunity to be kinder with my body; allowing myself to enjoy foods that I want and stopping the harsh restrictions I set on myself. I still think and feel that I am fat and there's a loooooooong way to go when it comes to fixing that but I am slowly being comfortable with my body and how it's built.

I know I am not gonna be a petite chick with narrow shoulders and waist, and a staggering ass that can cushion my body comfortably when I sit down. I am slowly accepting that my broad shoulders can be attractive if I wear a certain style of clothing and a thicc waist and okay butt will not diminish my worth as a woman. I mean, my body stats of 33-27-37 ain't bad but I was always focus on the ideal size and having some abs. It was stressful and honestly, I am not happy with all the restrictions and dieting. 

Another thing worthy of mentioning is me buying stuff for myself. These past few days were really interesting because I barely spend much on my clothes. From time to time, I would buy high quality stuff at reasonable prices but as a general rule, it's those mainstream and budget-friendly brands all the way. Brands like H&M, Forever21 and Uniqlo, although mainstream, are considered bourgeoise by me. I don't know. Something about an 899 t-shirt doesn't sit well with me when a lot of families in Metro Manila can use that amount of money for groceries in a week or so (somehow). Anyway, I bought some essentials (which I will share with you in the near future) in two of these stores. It was actually the first time that I bought clothing from Forever21. I was so stressed out to enter the store and quite frankly, my dear, I almost backed out.

Being able to do something about something

Quite vague but this is something I am really proud of. It is not that common for me to insist on something that I want or do something about certain situations that are already kinda set (but not really). More often than not, situations can be altered, it is not set in stone and you can do something about it if it's not what you want for yourself. Saying 'no' to a thing or situation that you don't want to have or happen to you is a big thing. Everyone should do this more often than not.

If there's one thing that I learned as an adult, it's always to try your best to change certain situations so that you will not have your 'what ifs' in life. The YOLO thing fits perfectly in here. You only live once and because of this do everything that you can to make things happen for yourself. Because honestly, not all people will help you along the way so you should know how to help yourself, how to handle situations and how to manage people and your expectations.

I am not saying that this is applicable to every situation that you will encounter but knowing when to do it is another great life skill. If you don't feel right about something, when it doesn't sit right with you, that's your gut telling you that maybe there's a better way or opportunity that you can get. Look out for that.

There! Another random post.

Hoping to finish the reviewers this weekend. :(

Tschuss

[Life Blog] Office Chronicles: The Asshole Strikes Again

 It surprises me how people can be so shameless. 

A lot of things happened in the office but I can barely put them into words. Either I don't have the energy to really write about it or I'm just so pissed to even think about what happened.

Yesterday was one of those bad days. This week was a high, considering that my team (which basically only has me at the moment) FINALLY managed to secure an Order of Payment from DOE for a Solar Energy Operating Contract (two of them, actually!). After almost 2 months of back and forth, it's almost over and the issuance of it is right there in the corner. There are still a lot of things to accomplished in the said projects since we only submitted Affidavits of Undertaking for other documents but I know for sure that the Operations team is able to figure it all out.

Going back, yesterday, during our coordination meeting (which by the way is now thankfully scheduled only on Mondays and Thursdays), I was cornered by the VP of our operation. He really ruins everything for everyone. He told me that next time, I should be able to convey information to them properly, that I should already have contracted Geodetic Engineers to work on our technical mappings and that I will be held accountable if the payment for the SEOC will not be released within the week. To tell you honestly, I was really surprised by that. First of all, all information regarding our applications were relayed to them. Remember the daily checkpoint meetings? It was stated there over and over again. Secondly, it is not my fault that he doesn't want to absorb the information we give him because he just wants to rely on the suck up. This suck up dude would literally tell him anything that he wants to hear, therefore ruining his realistic expectation. 

There was this one time where I was invited to a meeting with the second-in-command (or almost) of the company. I was really surprised because this is the first time wherein I would be able to attend such meeting and I don't have any idea what to expect from it. The agenda was only to "discuss problems regarding permitting". I know I am sort of in-charge of this but why only now? Anyway, I was called there asked if the issuance of our permits is on its way. I answered no and told the guy that we haven't even had the confirmation from DOE that the documents are completed already. He asked why OUR team reported that we are able to secure the documents by the end of June (it was already the 3rd week of June, btw) then if that was the case. I blurted out  (thank God, I did), that whoever told him that doesn't know the process and is not aligned with us and I asked him who was it from our team (I have such big balls, you know). Then he said that he forgot but he's sure that someone on our side said it. The suck up then said that it was him. SEE! This bitch reports things just because. I was so mad. Anyway, tangential.

The VP was referring to the fact that I, not his suck up bitch, reported wrong information to him which he then relayed to the management. He was chewed out by the top management for his negligence and his incompetence as a peddler of fake news by the way (lol) and that's why he's acting up. But he's so wrooooong in so many levels. I will bullet my reasons for this below:

• I presented this shit on them, not once, not twice, not even thrice. Every time they ask me, I answer truthfully. It's not my problem anyways if some documents are not signed immediately. I told them time and time again that the 60 days of processing will run once we submit COMPLETE SETS of requirements.
• He always tells us that he has no time to listen to our shit. It's not his job anyways and that he's the boss and we should be doing that for him. He's just there to manage us, as per his statement.
• How come even the clients know that that's the case? He's the only one who seems to be oblivious to this information. Clearly, he's not listening. He has a selective case of deafness, lol.
• Last point, THERE WAS A BIG, BOLD AND RED PHRASE on our presentation saying that the process will start only once we complete all documents. Then they can start counting the 60 days. -_-

As for the contracting of the Geodetic Engineer for our mapping concerns, this was already raced to them as early as January 2020. WE HAVE RECEIPTS. The most recent email to him regarding our need for this personnel is February 2021 where he said condescendingly that it was not a priority. Now that the second-in-command asked me to look for it immediately, he was acting as if it's my fault that we're just processing this now. He was by the way also relieved of the position to manage the Permits because obviously, he's really incompetent.

Okay, this is it for now. I am getting annoyed again.