Lately, for some reason, I've been troubled with scenarios from the past. It will all of a sudden blow on my face and I would cringe heavily inside. Conversations with past friends, past colleagues and superiors and with classmates that I no longer talk to just come back time and time again to haunt me. "What is happening?", I often ask myself. I am relatively happy in comparison to my previous life so where is this coming from? Am I just sabotaging the peaceful life I am having right now thinking I am not good enough for all of this?
Three months of living in Norway changed a lot for me. Even the way I speak is slowly changing. I am now utterly confused with all the languages I am trying to learn all at the same time. My English and Filipino are suffering heavily since the Scandinavian languages started interferring. I am fearful that by the end, I will not be fluent with any language. On the other hand, I am starting to speak more and more German. I have to push myself after my boyfriend's uncle's words to me the last time I stayed in their place. Ah! To be an adult! What a complicated thing to be. We remember everything bad that has happened to us and when it comes to good things, we have a hard time just soaking it in and enjoying it. So, going back, yeah, I am trying to speak German more and more. It's bad to have a B1 level and yet you couldn't speak the language properly. From time to time, my boyfriend would help me. Although I get annoyed with him because of his constant corrections, I aim to push through. I know that the "annoyance" is just something innate to me. I shouldn't take it seriously or take it to heart since it's just a normal human reaction to correction (especially for adults). Adults think that they know everything and it takes a lot of guts to say otherwise.
As for my physical health, I DID gain some weight but now trying to loose all of it. I would like to blame people around me but then again, it has always been my choice to eat shitty food and drink soda almost daily for a month. Upon writing, I have not eaten rice nor drank soda for 5 days already. Self-control is crucial to every aspect of our lives and in here, I am truly tested. And just to make it clear, I am not trying to lose weight because of what I am seeing on social media. I've already accepted that I have a short torso and a boxy appearance. I mean, of course, from time to time I still feel bad about it but what can I do? This is the lot I've been given so I just have to accept and embrace it.
The reason why I am trying to lose weight is because of all the hiking and trekking that I am doing here in Bergen. There are seven mountains surrounding the city and I want to hike all of them in just one day so I need to train AND train I will. I also want to look good in a swimsuit if my boyfriend and I would really end up going to Mallorca this summer around my birth month. I mean, I would also wear a swimsuit anyways if we go to the Carolus Thermen in Aachen but that is a hotspring. In Mallorca, that is a REAL beach. They said that it's warm to swim there and I've never been to a beach that is acceptably warm for me to swim here in Scandinavia. I am just really hoping that in Mallorca, it's truly warm, not just Europe warm. Coming from a tropical country sucks once you move here.
A problem for me since time immemorial is the dental care. It's not covered by any insurance here in Scandinavia for adults so it's expensive. That's what I am trying to deal with right now so let's see how I'll manage that. I'm looking at a 7.000 NOK bill or more for all the procedures that I need to have. Wish me luck.
So yeah, the recap will end here for now. There's gonna be a part two because I apparently can't write long anymore. I just write when the mood suits me. I am doing a lot of stuff lately and my checklist is bugging me to fulfill it.